La solitudine (1) - ENG

The person really self-aware is the one who knows live alone. But this is only an half true; the other half is this: who is really able to live alone is also able to live with someone. In fact, only him can live in company.

Who doesn't know to stay alone can't stay with someone, beacuse he has no individuality. Who has no individuality can't stay with someone: why? There are several issues. As first, he is afraid that getting too much close to the other he will lost himself. He has no integrity yet: he is afraid.

Thus why people have fear of love, of too much love; are afraid to come nearer too much, because they might dissolve themselves in the other. This is the fear: the other might dominate you, might become all your life. There is the risk to be dominated.

Only who knows the beauty of the loneliness is able to come as close as possible, because he has no fears. He knows to be, he knows that exist an undivided being inside himself. Innerly there is something crystallized, because without that crystallized "something" he isn't able to stay alone.

Secondly: when a person doesn't know stay alone, he always hinges on someone else. He clings, because he is afraid that the other might go away, and in that case he would suffer of loneliness. Hence he clings, he exploits the other, he generates any type of slavery around himself.

And when you own another human being, you become his proprietorship. It does work in both direction. If you reduce someone to slavery, he is reduce you to a slave. And if you are so scared that the other abandon you, you are ready to compromise, you are available to any sort of arrangements.

You will notice it between wives and husbands. They did a compromise, selling their soul, for a simple reason: they don't know to stay alone. They are scared that the man or the woman might go away, and the idea is enough to terrorize themselves.

The skill to stay lonesome is the skill to love. It might seems to you a paradox but it is not. It's an existential truth: only the ones who are able to stay lonely are able to love, to share, to reach the most intimate essence of an individual; without possess him and without be addicted, without be accustomed to. They leave absolute freedom to the other, because they know that if he would leave them, they will continue to be happy as well. Their happiness cannot be taken away from the other, because he is not that provide it.

And so, why they want to stay together? It isn't anymore a need, but a luxury. Try to understand. The authentic individuals love each other as a luxury, not as a need. They enjoy to share: they have so much happiness that they want to pour it into someone. But they know also play their life as soloists.

The flute soloist appreciates his instrument without no accompaniment, but if would meet a tabla soloist, both would be happy into stay together and create a harmony between tabla and flute; both of them would be pleased to pour their richness one into the other.

On the other side, the society is made of needy people, addicted in one way or the other. Children depend on parents, but remember, also parents depend on children. It might seems less obvious, but it is so. Watch better: the mother cannot stay without the child, and he without her, naturally.

Members of a family depends on and grasps one each other to have support, warranty and certainty; the family itself depends on the other families; people depends on the church, clubs, societies: it's a big world made of childish people and immature kids.

Free translation from «Osho, La Via del Cuore»